I’m sitting here looking back at everything and it’s like holy shit. So much has changed. This time last year, my mentality was completely different. I was happier, positive, outgoing. Nothing could weigh me down, the sky was my limit, opportunities and possibilities were endless. But since then so much has changed. Changed for the worse. Everyone else is growing and becoming a better person, everyone has improved since last year. I’m just sitting over here getting worse. Id do anything to rewind back to last year. I hate the new person I’ve become. I’m a twisted angry hateful depressed person and it sucks. What happened to being happy? And being indestructible? And doing shit without consequences? I mean I guess this is growing up, and if it is then fuck this shit. Growing up is not for me

Something is seriously wrong with me and I don’t know how to tell people. Last night all I kept thinking was if I got a hold of the police officers gun I could blow my brains out. It would be done in seconds. I have such horrible thoughts. I know they’re wrong. So I must not be crazy. To be honest I haven’t even been taking my medication. I don’t want to get better. I don’t want to have a life. I want to be a nobody.

It sucks going through so much and having no way to express it to people. My mind is one whirlpool. I can’t think straight. I can’t let people in. Not that anyone really wants to listen anyway. I’m so done with myself. Constant headaches, the same constant thought pattern that goes round and round without end. What’s wrong with me. Why am I like this. What happened to me.